5.9.14

new world

setiap perkara yg berlaku ada hikmah nya. aku percaya benda tu. aku percaya Allah arahkan aku ke jalan ni untuk kebaikan aku sendiri. walaupun perubahan tu masih lagi tak dapat aku terima. namun segalanya perlukan masa. pernah terdetik di hati, "bila aku akan berubah?" "kalau aku berubah sekalipun dapat ka aku teruskan?" "boleh aku hadap cabaran2 sekeliling aku?"

Allah itu Maha Mengetahui. mungkin Allah tahu akan niat aku dan mendengar doaku walaupun tidak selalu aku meminta kepada-Nya. oleh kerana aku tidak mampu (atau lebih tepat aku takut) untuk melakukan perubahan itu secara sendiri, maka Allah bantu aku dengan memberikan aku persekitaran yg dpt membantu aku untuk mencapai matlamat tersebut.

dah puas aku berseronok tanpa aku fikir akibatnya selama bertahun2. aku hanyut... aku lupa... hidayah yg diberikan kepada ku sering kali aku abaikan dan tidak aku pedulikan. kini peluang tu ada kat depan mata. takkan aku biaq cmtu ja? aku tak pasti cabaran yg bakal aku hadapi nnti. sejujurnya mmg aku takut. aku takut aku tak dapat teruskan.



untuk melalui kemanisan dan kebahagian aku patut rasa kepahitan dan kesukaran dulu kan? insyaAllah suatu hari nanti.

2.8.14

let it go?

kadang2 terasa nak lepaskan. tapi tak sanggup.
kadang2 terasa nak teruskan. tapi menyakitkan.
kadang2 terasa rindu. tapi tak dapat nak luahkan.
kadang2 terasa menyesal. tapi tak dapat nak ulangkan.

dah nak dekat 2 tahun benda ni berlalu. aku tak letak apa2 harapan yg dia akan kembali kat aku. tapi aku cuma susah nak... lepaskan.

so. letting it go? probably no.
WANF

10.5.14

Me, Myself And I

can i just say that this is what exactly happen to me except for the getaway thing (and the last part)?







everything. thanks jinnyboytv. i cried watching this vid. i really can relate to it. its true that you need a getaway and find a way to lose yourself. that is why i am running away from where i am now (since i've got not enough money to go somewhere far. yet.) but later even after my 'escape', im not even sure whether i can really get over things.

why i cried? because this is what happened to me. especially the 'i miss you' part. im sorry but i just can't lie to myself right now.

ARGH! I WANT THE SHOPPING THERAPY!


nowlistening: jin - gone

4.5.14

Say Something


listen. listen to my heart.

2.5.14

what's up?





hey. what's up with all this negative thoughts?
doesn't it suffocate you?
it does to me.
its not like you can get any good conclusion in the end
by keep on having that negative thought around you.
don't you?


yes. please give it a try.

now listening: LEDApple - 둘도 없는 바보

let it go

there's a painful memories.
that painful memories that i need to let go.
that i need to erase.
that i need to forget.
i have to.
its a pain that kills me every single time.
wherever i go it kills me.
i need a new surrounding.
somewhere that can heal me.
that can help me let go of all this painful memories.
i want to let go of that memories and people in it.
but i can't.
it hurts me. it never fail to hurt me.
there's too many pain that i need to hold.
i can't stay here because i can't stand to be hurt like this. anymore.
i know there's somewhere that i can go, someday and will wash away...
all this pain.......





yes.



i am running away.

now listening: SJ KRY - ハナミズキ

28.4.14

trying my best

i'm trying my best to keep up with all works that keep on piling up.
i wont give up.
hey, its my last year here to finish my diploma.
lets try the hardest to be the better one than before.
who doesn't want success?
but of course not all will run after it.
you'll wait for it?
yes go on but i won't stay here with you.
i have my dreams waiting for me somewhere in the future.
i don't know what am i writing.
i'm half asleep to tell the truth.
i'm so sleepy that i can't sleep just yet.
it's sad. no. i'm sad. hurl. bye.

*dark circles having a good time here*

10.2.14

semuanya sia-sia

entah apa yg nk diluahkan kali ni? hari tu decide nk update blog. but then xdak mood nk update walaupun sebenarnya byk bnda nk cerita. ini cerita taw. bkn nk burukkan org. if any of you feel that you fit well in my stories, then you are welcome to 'terasa' as much as you want. aku bkn tulis nma sspa pn dlm blog ni. unless i did then you should be thankful (sbb xpyah nk susah2 fkir aku cerita psal siapa).

this time. semuanya sia-sia. apa yg sia-sia? memories. or should i be more detail? friendship. yeah. this so called friendship. as i lived i've faced different type of friends. good and of course the bad ones. as for less than 20 years i lived, meet and be friend with people, i've never met with this kind of people. wasted the friendship that have been built for years. everything shattered. just.... like.... that.......


pernah dgar quote "always forgive but never forget"? well as for me, i forgive AND forget. setelah apa yg dah dibuat dkat aku, aku maafkan, aku lupakan. aku LUPAKAN. why? because i appreciate this so-called-friendship. aku ni innocent sgt ka? ahh. now i feel so stupid for doing everything that i've done.


as for a type of friend yg lupa membe lpas cpl ni aku dh biasa. so i dont really care about it. but i do care when it comes to someone that i didnt even expect will become like that. it is just... WOW. and another type of friend that like to bring up things from the past. shizzzzz! i really hate this kind of people for god sake! if you want to bring up the things that i've done, could you please find something REALISTIC? that is LOGIC.


look, to bring up something that is past for over a year is totally not my thing. i forget remember? and probably its my mistake to easily forget about something that happened over a year ago. yeahh so that i can point out every single thing from the past.


as my "friends" start to change, without realizing it i cried... i thought that i dont care about what happened. it is not that im saying i haven't done any wrong towards others. i know. and i'm really sorry to those that have been hurt by me. but i dont think that i can accept this kind of people to be around me. even mom said, "if its worthless, why bother?" and starting from that moment, i never care anymore.

i remembered when im still in high school. i have a fight with this girl. should i named her? lets just named her as A. i cant really remember why we fought. probably because of a guy? HAHA! thinking over back then how stupid it is. we solved it nicely and apologize to each other. but one thing that i remember is that when i fought with A, neither me or her brought up things from the past. ahh. i should thanked her isn't it?

i should have done that long time ago right? ahh. now im regretting it.

and to those who are still by my side. i will always love all of you and please, if there's something you are not satisfied with me please just tell me. please.