we choose.

ehem. hai. so bila last aku post? jap. let...me....see... ahh! okay. 1st of september. but this post should be a continuing from the previous one. nvm. maybe i'll continue about it next time. as we can see sblm ni klau aku mncul kat blog mst sebab aku tgh cuti sem. tpi kali ni i'll add on one more reason. sbb aku dah deactivate acc twitter and fb aku. AGAIN. heheh.

to restraint myself from letting all out on twitter or fb so yeah i did that. since the day i entered sem 5, nothing have been easy on me actually. one comes after another. i admit it that it is my fault when the first 'incident' happened. i do really regret it and i am trying to change. but as im trying there's something occurred.

i dont know how to write it in another way to make others understand well since i dont wanna write the real thing here. you know this is the first time i get myself into this kind of situation and problem. and since it is my first time facing it i have no idea the best way to handle it. im trying my best to think positive even though the negative thoughts kept on haunting me.

im quite surprised when i knew the reality. i have no courage left to speak. my current decision is that i'll just shut my mouth. yes. i dont care anymore. they can just say that the ego level of mine is high or what so ever. but i've tried my hardest till im tired. i've talked about this with my mom and my sisters. my mom asked me to confront her and talked about it. but because of im not ready to do it so i just keep quiet till i cool myself down.

but as i've cooled myself down, different situation appeared. i didnt asked anyone to come and back me up. i just tell them the truth and i let them to hear from another party and its up to them to think the best. my sisters gave me so many advice on how to handle this since she'd been in a worst situation. i acknowledge that she's stronger than i am. but im not.

kalau hati aku kering sekering kemarau tu mmg aku tak ksah pasal bnd ni dan akan buat xtaw ja dgn semua bnd. tpi hati ni jnis sensitif dan selalu fikir sejauh mna bnd ni akan pengaruh org lain. klau bnd ni aku sorg ja xpa. tpi mmbe aku yg lain tu kena tempias jgak. kesian la kat depa.

ohh yeah. lps aku start conversation tu, im even more surprised with the replies that i get. there's no conclusion in this post. we choose how its going to be. my head is so messed up right now. so please everyone dont ask or talk about this with me. just let me live my life for a moment "without" any worries.

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