1.10.13

dulu. sekarang.

DULU

aku senang nk maafkan org dan lupakan apa yg dia pernah buat.

SEKARANG

aku tak boleh nk maafkan langsung apatah lagi nk lupakan.




my action depends on situation. since aku tak pernah rasa kena tikam dari belakang seteruk ni, tak mungkin senang untuk aku jadi yg dulu. kau bole kata akulah punca utk semua ni. ego aku tinggi melangit. pendendam. tapi ingat. i wont start the conversation ANYMORE. -the end-

p/s : makin difikir makin berdarah hati ni. auwch.

things remained unsaid.

sometimes some things should just remain unsaid. i just dont know to who else should i let all out this stuff that kept on messing around in my head. ada kalanya aku rasa mcm nk buat tak taw ja dgn apa yg aku pendam ni. tapi sakit wehh. kita pendam sorg2 ni mmg sakit. i just need one person to sit in front of me and listen carefully to what i've kept inside. its okay if he/she didnt know what to say or advice me. by lending me his/her ears is a big honor for me.


can i just tell all of this stuff to some stranger that didnt even know who is the person involved? im at a total lost right now. i dont know what to think. what to decide. what to write. this is the first time im feeling this way. im facing this problem. ARGHHHHHH! mmg rasa nk punching bag sekarang ni. im being serious. there's no more point to cry over something that i cant fix / i dont wanna fix. yes. im telling the truth. i dont wanna fix it.


my mental is breaking down sooooooo badly. im living my life with music now. so that i wont hear anything and so that i dont have to care about the surroundings. i shouldnt give a fck when no one cares about me isnt it? im tired of thinking about others. i know people might think that i never think of others. well. no one knows what i have been thinking for all this time. im sick of all this dramas! fck off! gila bab*. susah aku nk maki. haaaa...


being called as a fake person is the painful thing ever. im done.

p/s : thanks google for the pictures.

29.9.13

we choose.

ehem. hai. so bila last aku post? jap. let...me....see... ahh! okay. 1st of september. but this post should be a continuing from the previous one. nvm. maybe i'll continue about it next time. as we can see sblm ni klau aku mncul kat blog mst sebab aku tgh cuti sem. tpi kali ni i'll add on one more reason. sbb aku dah deactivate acc twitter and fb aku. AGAIN. heheh.

to restraint myself from letting all out on twitter or fb so yeah i did that. since the day i entered sem 5, nothing have been easy on me actually. one comes after another. i admit it that it is my fault when the first 'incident' happened. i do really regret it and i am trying to change. but as im trying there's something occurred.


i dont know how to write it in another way to make others understand well since i dont wanna write the real thing here. you know this is the first time i get myself into this kind of situation and problem. and since it is my first time facing it i have no idea the best way to handle it. im trying my best to think positive even though the negative thoughts kept on haunting me.

im quite surprised when i knew the reality. i have no courage left to speak. my current decision is that i'll just shut my mouth. yes. i dont care anymore. they can just say that the ego level of mine is high or what so ever. but i've tried my hardest till im tired. i've talked about this with my mom and my sisters. my mom asked me to confront her and talked about it. but because of im not ready to do it so i just keep quiet till i cool myself down.

but as i've cooled myself down, different situation appeared. i didnt asked anyone to come and back me up. i just tell them the truth and i let them to hear from another party and its up to them to think the best. my sisters gave me so many advice on how to handle this since she'd been in a worst situation. i acknowledge that she's stronger than i am. but im not.


kalau hati aku kering sekering kemarau tu mmg aku tak ksah pasal bnd ni dan akan buat xtaw ja dgn semua bnd. tpi hati ni jnis sensitif dan selalu fikir sejauh mna bnd ni akan pengaruh org lain. klau bnd ni aku sorg ja xpa. tpi mmbe aku yg lain tu kena tempias jgak. kesian la kat depa.

ohh yeah. lps aku start conversation tu, im even more surprised with the replies that i get. there's no conclusion in this post. we choose how its going to be. my head is so messed up right now. so please everyone dont ask or talk about this with me. just let me live my life for a moment "without" any worries.

1.9.13

1 september

hahahahahahahaiiiiiiiiiiii~
serius xtaw nk letak title apa utk post kali ni. letak ja la tarikh memandangkan hari ni dah masuk september & first day of september. post kali ni nk cerita pasai my campus life kat UTeM. kenapa ttba nk cerita psai ni? hah! ada 2 sbb dia. first. tgk bwh ni.

haa... part 'high rank' ni dia tnjuk page views paling byk org baca dlm sebulan. kita tgk paling tggi 2 tu pasal UTeM. tu yg tergerak hati nk cita. hihi. aku rasa ttba ramai org baca sbb yg bru nk msuk degree kat UTeM kan. mst depa search2 kat google. heheh. malangnya xda apa sgt pn aku cita dlm post2 tu. kahkahakah! padan muka. XD

2nd reason sbb aku dah msuk senior year utk diploma. yeahh. final year yg bererti aku dah ddk melaka selama 2 tahun. time flies~~~~ dk terkenang lagi ni msa mhs semua. fiuhhhh~ so bole start dah kan? JOM!

aku nak start dgn sem 1. ehh tak. kejap. tahun 1 terus lah. cita tiap2 sem mampus ahh. msa mggu mhs, tak lah seteruk yg aku sangka. everything went well. roomate aku pn ok. housemate pn ok. classmate pn ok. semua pn ok! ok. fokus. ni first year taw. rileks dulu. kita baru nk panas enjin.



hostel aku kat luaq campus. 4tgkt. 1 rumah 3 bilik. 1 bilik 2 org. 2 bilik air. aku dapat sebilik dgn bdk kedah. mmg ranciakk ahh. mula2 biasa la awkward xtaw nk smbg apa. tapi nak aku tegaskan kat sini msa aku msuk U, bknlah mcm msa aku msuk asrama dkat tknik kulim. sombong gila. kemas2 barang tros tido. kali ni aku ada gak smbg2 tapi xigt pasai apa. hihi.



bbrpa mggu lps mhs, aku salu makan dgn housemate aku jgak sbb aku xda kwn sekelas lgi. still xleh ngam dgn sspa. serius aku sorg2. smpailah 1 hari tu aku ada terserempak dgn malin dkat luar pusat komputer. time tu baru kenal & tuka nmbr phone. lps tu kna pecah class ikot group & aku pn 1 group dgn dia. so since then la aku baru rapat2 dgn bbdk kelas yg lainnnnn... :)




ni masa kat lab utk apatah subjek ni. dia wiring2 la. luapa dah. --'
yg lain group utk presentation falsafah sains & teknologi

cerita tahun 1 ni ada byk cerita dia. sbb baru dkat melaka kn. so masa tu lah aku dgn mmbe2 mula explore melaka. mmg rasa rajin gila kuaq p merata. msa sem 1, aku masuk hospital sbb apendiks aku bengkak so kena operate. pendek cerita aku dpt mc smggu + lps tu kena chicken pox mc lgi 2 mggu. mmg permulaan yg kureng la utk aku. so sem 1 aku result dah down. ptt nya sem 1 la org kejaq kn nk dpt dekan. tpi aku xleh sbb aku byk skip class + ada quiz aku xbuat. sedih rasa.


ni la masa aku msuk hospital tu. dah 2 tahun da parut kat perut aku ni. :O

masa sem 1 seigt aku lah aku xrapat mna lgi dgn bdk laki. just dgn gegirls. bday aku bln julai. so masa sem 1 depa dh buat surprise mncul dri pintu rumah aku. ohh yea! kami semua nk ddk umah lain2 k. depa bgi hadiah and others. thanks korg! :D sem 1 paling byk gmbar. maybe sbb excited about everything kan? semua pn nk snap! snap! snap! and yeahh snap! snap here and there. mmg CAMERA FREAK!


ni hadiah bbdk tu bagi. heheh. :3

msa ni kami2 semua still naik bas. sem 2 baru mmbe aku bwak keta. igt lagi msa bln puasa bdk seksyen aku buat jamuan berbuka dkat cafe. hihi. lps raya plak aku jamuan raya UTeM. kes paling xbole blah skli, hujung sem 1 baru dpt labcoat sdgkan fakulti lain awl2 sem dah dpt lab coat. lambat nau. --'


majlis bbka + kelas malam


baru dapat lab coat + photoshoot utk cover projek + ceramah.
klau tgk bebetul la kan kaki aku berbalut. haha! time ni kaki aku terseliuh. agak teruk jgak. hoho.


jamuan raya UTeM

dah paling ringkas ni aku cita pasal sem 1. grr. now sem 2.
sem 2 plak paling byk berjalan + buat aktiviti luar. serius serius. boling. kayak. wayang. byk la. wyg tu sbb aku dah mula rapat dgn bbdk laki and we formed a group with 4 girls + 4 guys. cantik betul. hahaha! nk lepak mna2 mmg salu dgn bbdk ni ja. hujung sem nk dkat final, aku dgn wani akn overnight dkat McD dgn depa and "study". yeahh. study lah sgt. tpi study lah jgak. sikit.

so. sem 2 aku rasa nk sambung next post la. tak berjaya jgak cita 1 post 2 sem. too many stories to tell uolls! hahaha! k ahh. jmp nnt bila aku rajin. hewhew. byeeeeeee~

17.8.13

kawan ja kan?

assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera saya ucapkan kepada semua warga pembaca blog sekalian. pfffftttttt... -..- skematik betei. hai. sihat? aku tak sihat mna pn mggu ni. mcm yg org lain taw la. suara dk mai rock kalah ella dah ni. btw, lps main game tdi, terdetik la kat hati ni nk update blog pasal 'ex-gf / ex-bf tak boleh berkawan'.

have you ever read about being friend with an ex is like ............ quotes? there's too many negative quotes about it. for example, "your ex asking to be friends after breaking up is like kidnappers asking to keep in touch after letting you go." OR "if two past lovers can remain friends, it's either they were never in love, or they still are."

firstly, aku mmg tak setuju lgsg pasal semua quotes yg negatif tu. sbb apa? yeala. knpa kena bermusuh dgn ex kita? apa salah berkawan? musuh yg dk ada pn tak terkira, ni nk kumpul yg baru plak? dlm kes aku la kan. mmg mula2 aku tak dpt terima lgsg. aku mmg tak bole nk kwn blik dgn ex aku. but things changed as we grow up. kita dpt fikir sndri yg bnd tu semua tak ada faedah lgsg!

ini serious. mmg mula2 kita akan rasa sakit hati bila ditinggalkan. rasa xnk maafkan dia sampai bila2. siap doakan karma kna balik kat dia la apa la. tpi percayalah. bnd tu xbwak kita kemana pn. nk sakit hati smpai bila? kita dk sakit hati, tah2 dia tu dk bahagia dgn org lain. aku siap bole kwn dgn gf baru dia lagi. --' yeahh. mgkin org akn kata plek. tpi biasa ja.


knpa nk kena ada rasa dengki dkat org? rasa sakit hati? bnd tu bole buat apa kat kita? kita akan rasa seronok ka bila kita dk benci kat org? klau berkawan dgn semua org kn lgi sng. mmg kita tak tau apa perasaan org lain. tpi biarlah kita fkir bnd yg positif. kn lagi seronok.

in my own case, aku berkawan blik dgn ex aku ada sbb dia. sbb masing2 dh xda perasaan kat masing2. bila 2 2 dah ready utk kwn mcm biasa, kwn ja. aku ni lgi sng nk share mslh aku kat ex aku sbb sbnrnya depa ni kenal hati aku cmna. rileks ja ckap psal mslh relationship sndri kat depa. dah xda rasa apa kn, aku share sbgai kwn. depa pn faham.

kita berkawan bknnya nk get back. bknnya nk menggatal. nak2 klau ex kita tu satu fakulti/sekelas. gila xnk berkawan balik? kalau ada assignment, sng nk mntk tlg ouw! muahahaha! klau kita kwn blik dgn ex kita yg dh ada gf/bf, pndai2 la fhm limit dia. jgn smpai nk rosakkan hbgn org. tu lain da cerita dia. kang org kata perampas, mrah plak.


ni semua kan mindset kita sndri. bila kita fkir bnd baik, baik la jdi dia. ni dk fkir bnd ngtif ja, dk doa bnd2 xbaik jdi kat org tu. bila kita bole terima ex kita balik and kwn mcm biasa, bnd tu tnjuk betapa matang nya kita dlm nk handle soal hati dan perasaan ni. kita kawan dgn dia balik tak bermakna yg kita still syg dia atau kita tak pernah syg dia.

pernah jadi kat aku, lps aku break, ex aku kata nk kwn blik. time tu xleh trima. tpi lama2 aku ok. tapi ada 1 masa tu ttba aku dpt text, "si polan xbgi I cntct dgn you dah. dia marah bila dpt tau I still cntct you." sakit hati tu jgn cerita la kn. ada jgak rasa nk smackdown bdk tu. srnok mgkin dia nk stop kan friendship org. tpi aku ni fkir. xpalah. bdk tak matured lgi gamaknya. aku biarkan aja. ada masa, ex aku akn cntct aku blik. lulz. lelaki.


sebagai seorang perempuan yg berperikemanusiaan dan berperasaan, aku faham lumrah lah mmg akan ada rasa jealous tu bila bf dia cntct lgi dgn ex dia. tapi. TAPI. jealous tu biar berpada kak. awk tu gf dia ja. klau awk tu isteri dia, awk nk saman sbb perempuan lain menggatal pn saya tak ksah. mereka yg berkawan dgn ex blik tu, berpada la jgak. jgn melebih2. kang ni makan dia! *tunjuk tangan*

secara jujur aku cakap, msa aku cpl dgn sspa aku tak marah pn dia nk berkawan dgn ex dia. KAWAN JA KAN?

selamat berfikir. :) assalamualaikum.

29.7.13

yessss.. 20 years old uolss!

weewooweewoo~ weewooweewoo~ (^3^♪

selalunya 27 julai ni sinonim dgn birthday aku. hohoho. okay. its "nice" to see that im officially entering the 20's stage. blurp~ ahh. baru lepas mkn nsik kandaq weyy. emm. sedap. k. hmm. nk cita apa tah. tak taw sbb nothing special for my birthday this year.

past 2 years aku ada kat melaka so mmbe2 utem lah yg buat surprise and celebrate bday aku. before that pon salu celebrate kat sekolah. bila stay kat umah and doing nothing on my birthday ni agak hambar jgak la rasa. heheh. mmg la xwajib pn celebrate. tapi bila dah TERBIASA tu kn. mmg la lain la skit. weeee~

tahun ni aku hide bday aku kat fb. kenapa? sbb kalau tak hide kan, nnt mula la penuh wall org dk wish. jap. bkn nk kata aku hot ka apa. tapi mmg lumrah org kat fb kot kn. bila ada reminder bday ja mula dk wish. hg tak penah sembang ngn aku pn hg wish? tah. rasa plek. tapi thanks la jgak wish kan walaupun stranger. -.- lgi 1 sbb aku nk tgk sapa yg betul2 igt / perasan bday aku. ihiks. kali ni aku hide so mmg aman dunia wall fb aku. just mmbe2 yg perasan hri tu bday aku ja dia wish. thanks guys!

3 perenggan intro ja. fuuuuuuu~ kalau dalam essay byk idea cmni aku pn suka. sebenarnya post kali ni nk ckap thanks to those yg wish bday aku kat text msg, whatsapp, twitter & fb. THANKS ALOT. aku tak ksah pn xcelebrate. tapi yg BETUL2 igt tu aku terharu la. :) hihi.

aku dgn rajinnya screenshot semua wish yg aku dpt hri tu. woooooooo~ thanks again!
┗(^0^)┓┏(^0^)┛


kiri : wani (classmate-housemate-roomate utem)
kanan : anep (classmate utem)


both : afie & nabila (friends since high school)
*i didnt really expect that the left one still ingat my birthday :3*

 

both : hazira & syaiza (friends since high school)
depa 2 org ni merata nk wish. heheh.


kiri : zahir (classmate utem) aku rsa dia wish sbb hri tu aku wish bday dia. heheh. anyway tgk la wish dia. -..-
kanan : miza (friend since high school) kami pny bday selang seminggu so sgt mustahil nk lupa. XD


kiri : tgk. aku dah dia merata dia nk wish. hee~
kanan : emy (big bro. friend since high school)


both : zulhusni & reza (big bros. friends since high school)


kiri : alia (my sister. luls)
kanan : kak jie (my sister-in-law)


kiri : wany (friends since high school)
kanan : kak lin (my sister-in-law)


kiri : apit (big bro. friend since high school)
kanan : lagi sorg wish merata


kiri : dia wish sampai ke blog dia. tpi mmg terharu la. love yah! nah ♥ jemput usha. http://zieraswriting.blogspot.com/2013/07/happy-birthday-miemi.html
kanan : ainal (friend since high school)

 

kiri : nabila wish lagi sekali. she's my babe anyway. XD dan ohh ya atas tu atika (friend since high school)
kanan : hafiz (kwn sekerja msa 2011 & friends till now)


kiri : bella (classmate-housemate-roomate utem)
kanan : alia (friend since high school) wish dia pn agak tak bole blah. -,-


malin (classmate-housemate-roomate utem)


intan (kawan baru) XD hahaha! kenal dia msa gathering bukak posa skli ngn mmbe tarp & uitm png.


kiri : yes. dia lagi. HAHAHA! dia menggila kat twitter lately cari aku tak jumpa.
kanan : sis wawa (senior high school) & ajie (friend since high school). sbnrnya aku tak fhm dia nk wish apa. -,-

dannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn... siap! ni semua org2 yg wish birthday aku. mak aku ada wish okay. siap nyanyi lagi dlm english weyy. HAHAHA! mmg tergelak la aku & mak aku. seperais den. actually 1 hari tu aku tggu sorg tu wish bday aku. org lain tak wish aku tak ksah weyy. tpi dia tak wish aku agak terasa di hati sbb seingat aku sblm ni dia wish ja bday aku. and aku pn tak penah lupa bday dia. hmm. xpa lah. biar ja. maybe dia busy. aipp! jgn pk lain. mmbe aku ja. :D

akhir skli thanks semua. walaupun tak da surprise2 this year. aku tak ksah pn xda celebration but i still appreciate it. hey, i've lived for 20 years now. alhamdulillah. tu paling penting kan. okayy. byebye~ (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)  

11.7.13

revealed the truth of deactivation

apa cerita plak kali ni? facebook ahh facebook. memandangkan aku dah deactivate facebook, aku skg tgh cri alasan knpa aku deactivate selain dri alasan nk hilangkan diri. cari alasan gittuw~ ohhohoi. aku dah jmpa alasan tu.



cerita dia aku dh makin nyampah sbnrnya bila aku tgk newsfeed aku tu. dri dk tmbh menyampah kat certain2 people baik aku deactivate trus. xyah tgk apa2. puas hati. tenang. selagi facebook aku aktif, selagi tu la aku akan bkak & tgk apa yg ada. xda apa yg menarik nyampah jgak. ada yg menyampah lgi menyampah. -,-' well. nothing satisfies me. okay? yalah. hidup org2 kat facebook tu pn bknnya utk satisfy kan aku. fair lah.

sblm aku deactivate, byk kali dah sebenarnya aku 'terasa hati' la kalau nk diceritakan secara straight forward nya. terasa hati kenapa? haaaa.. itu biar i simpan sndri la u olls. :3 terasa hati dgn siapa? ada laaa~ tak cukup dgn tu, manusia2 kat facebook tu update entah apa2 bnda entah. grrr.. (* ̄m ̄)



ada yg setiap bnd pn nk ditulis kat facebook. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????????? cerita lah segala masalah family cinta hg semua kat situ. mmg hg ja yg ada mslh cmtu. org plak ksah. --' lps tu dk tuleh status pasrah2. forever alone bagai. bro, kalau tiap saat nk update status pasrah2, bkn situ tmpt dia, tweet k? lps tu letak hashtag #TweetPasrah euwww. nyampah.

status tu 1 hal. ada lagi attention seeker ni pny perangai. tiap2 hari tuka dp. dp gambar sma plak tu. motif? contoh dia cmni la. ada 2 gamba yg lain tapi dia tuka tiap2 hari. mula2 ok lgi. bila dh selalu, muak plak aku tgk. (━┳━ _ ━┳━) 

mcm2 perangai kita boleh tgk kat facebook ni kan. ada yg menyenangkan hati, yg menyampah hati, dan tentu ada yg mintak kaki. tu semua lah antara2 penyebab aku deactivate terus facebook aku. xpyah tgk apa2.

tapiiiii... facebook tu ja la cara aku nk contact dgn big2 bro aku tu ex tarp semua. klau yg aku kdg2 whatsapp xpa la. taw perkembangan semasa. xpa. nnt aku activate balik la. buat masa ni kita avoid dulu tmbh terasa hati / menyampah kat org sempena bulan yg mulia ni kan u olls. hewhew. (─‿‿─)

okay. till we meet again peeps. baboisssss~

ohh! selamat berpuasa semua. \(^^)/